


Worthless

by scarletrobins



Category: Supernatural
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dean doesn't appreciate reader, F/M, Fluff, Jealousy, Like LOTS of angst, So much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:00:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24937936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarletrobins/pseuds/scarletrobins
Summary: Y/n lives at the bunker with the boys. She's quiet and she makes their lives easier by cooking and cleaning, doing research, etc. She does all this without ever expecting a thank you.She has fallen in love with Dean but she knows he would never feel the same. He's constantly insulting the romance novels she's reading, making comments about what she's cooking and being mean in general.One night she asks the boys if she can come to the bar with them. They end up leaving her there and it's her last straw.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Reader, Dean Winchester/You
Comments: 13
Kudos: 86





	1. Undervalued and a Hot Bartender

Y/n hummed quietly as she mixed the wooden spoon through the sauce. Today was pasta day, and that meant some good old-fashioned arrabbiata. Dean liked it, though she knew he'd make some comment about eating cheeseburgers. Sam would just shove it all down his throat and rush back to his research. Then she'd be doing the dishes and humming again. 

"Hey, pasta?" Dean's rough voice sounded behind her, cutting off her humming in an instant. Her back tensed up and her cheeks flushed red as she nodded.   
"Yeah," she answered quietly. 

Y/n had always been quiet. She didn't scream, didn't shout, just made her point quietly and moved on. The Winchester's had gotten used to it, and Dean (secretly) enjoyed it. 

"Great, so that means extra cheeseburgers at dinner for me." 

'Ah, there it was,' she thought, continuing to stir as she wiped some sweat from her cheek. She didn't say anything and continued her finishing touches on the meal. Soon enough, Sam was gambolling into the room with his wide pearly smile. 

"Hey Y/n," she smiled at him and gave him a small wave before doling out everyone's portions. She sat down at the table and took a bite, smiling to herself. She was proud, today was a good batch. 

"Hey, so new case, spirit tormenting six year old girls in a town in New Orleans. Grabs them, throws them around a little, then... and this is the worst part, sexually assaults them." Sam explained, digging into his food.   
"Yikes, when we leavin'?" Dean asked, scarfing down some more pasta.   
"Can I come? I really wanna go to New Orleans," both brothers turned to look at her. 

Her eyes shined with hope and a tentative smile pulled at her lips. Sam and Dean turned to look at each other, mentally trying to decide who would break the news to her. 

"Listen sweetheart, you don't... have the experience to do this," Dean told her, all senses of gentleness thrown away instantly.   
"And-and we need someone to hold down the fort here!" Sam jumped in, trying to sound encouraging as her smile dropped. 

She gulped and nodded eyes trained at her plate. Of course they wouldn't let her go, they never did. She had done enough research for a life time, and knew all the ways to gank the creatures. All she had to do was actually go on a hunt, and they never let her. 

She was quiet for the rest of lunch. They talked about the case further but Y/n tuned them out. Why know the details of a case they wouldn't need her help with anyway? 

They both finished their meals before her, dumping their plates in the sink and rushing off. 

****

Dean and Sam had left half an hour ago. They'd screamed goodbyes, some vague timeframe that they would be back in, and then the engine was roaring into the distance. 

Y/n slowly opened the door to Dean's room, a small sigh leaving her lips. 'Did Dean ever wonder how his room was magically cleaned?' Y/n wondered, bending down and beginning to pick up the shirts and flannels strewn about on the floor. She straightened out his covers and arranged his pillows before sitting on the edge and folding the shirts. 

Did they ever realise that she had become the cleaning lady? She was their nanny and she felt... used. Another sigh left her lips as she shook her head. At least she was helping some way, however small. 

Y/n had to try to be more confident. That was the problem. She couldn't even look strangers in the eye, and that had to change real quick. So, in her false confidence induced mind, she vowed to go out with the boys next time. It would be good exposure for her, and surviving it would be proof she could do it again. Yes, she would do it. 

****

They were back about a week later. Y/n had been singing along to her music, reading a new romance novel she had purchased as she relaxed on the couch. This was one of her favourite pastimes. 

The door had creaked open and her singing cut off. She cleared her throat softly and continued reading. Sam entered first, she could tell by the footfalls and she looked up. 

"Hey."   
"Hey, how was it?" She marked her place in the book and dropped it next to her.   
"Yeah, it was good, got in and out quick, stayed a little longer to relax," Sam told her, leaning back in his arm chair as he closed his eyes. 

Y/n nodded, though her face stung with an embarrassed flush. She had wanted to go, and they said no. Then they proceeded to party without her. 

"Oh you should'a been there!" Dean exclaimed as he walked in. 

'Oh the irony,' Y/n thought, looking down at her hands as she began to pick at her nails. 

"Oh you gotta be kidding me, what's this crap doing in the house?" Dean griped, picking her romance novel up and staring disgustedly at the cover.   
"It's mine," Y/n told him quietly, looking up at him with wide doe eyes.   
"Why do you read this crap?" He asked, dropping the book and flopping onto the couch. "Never mind, I don't wanna know." 

Y/n grabbed the book and held it tight, slowly slipping off the couch and heading to her room. 

"Why are you such a dick?" Sam asked angrily after the sound of Y/n's door closing.   
"What?" Dean lifted his head up and furrowed his brows at his brother.   
"You. Why are you such a dick to her?" Sam huffed and pushed some hair from his face.   
"I'm not a dick to her," Dean defended, scowling at Sam.   
"Yeah, you are," he argued.   
"No I'm not, you're so sensitive," Dean huffed, getting up and walking to his room. 

He wasn't mean to you, was he? Nah, you guys were... joking around? No, he was getting into his own head, he had to stop. 

Dean opened his door and let one corner his mouth turn up. His room smelt nice. Like warm vanilla and just a hint of another lighter perfume he couldn't quite pin point. His bed was made neatly, which he knew he didn't leave in that state. His pillows were fluffed, his closet organised, his bathroom clean, it made his smile widen. 

She worked so hard, and was always trying. He should take her on a case one of these days, he pondered. 

****

The day wore on and Y/n finished her book in the safety of her room. A small sigh left her lips as she wiped her tears. It was such a beautiful story, how did more people not love it? 

"Hey! Bar time!" Sam screamed from the living room.

A muffled 'ok' came from somewhere in the bunker before she was rushing to her door and screaming "wait!"

She grabbed her purple suede jacket and began running in her knee high boots. When she reached the kitchen, both boys turned to her with slightly widened eyes. 

"I wanna come too," she said breathlessly, smiling softly at them.   
"We're going to a bar," Sam stated the obvious, looking at her as if she was off her rocker.   
"Yeah."   
"You don't drink," Sam once more stated the obvious.   
"Ye-"   
"Wait, you don't drink?" Dean interjected, face scrunched in obvious distaste. Y/n's heart cracked slightly.   
"Yeah, I told you a bunch of times," she answered softly.   
"Huh," Dean affirmed, turning back to putting his jacket on.   
"So why come to the bar?" Sam asked, trying to understand what he couldn't.   
"I'm going for the atmosphere," she replied indignantly, crossing her arms over her chest.   
"The atmosphere?" Dean snorted, eyes dancing with humour. Sam chuckled and slid his arms through his jacket.   
"Do you not want me to come?" She finally asked, eyes wide and doe like.   
"No, no, we're just messing with you, come on." Sam smiled when her own lips turned up, and her giddiness was clear on her face. 

They all got into the Impala, Y/n sliding into the backseat. She hummed along to Dean's music as they drove to a bar, Dean occasionally glancing at her in rearview mirror, though she didn't know that. 

Dean would never admit to it, but once, he had walked back into the bunker while she had been singing. Sam had gone straight out for a supply run, and the door had opened quietly for once. She was singing her heart out, some song that wouldn't usually be Dean's taste, but he loved it in her voice. It was slow, and intense, and made her voice resonate beautifully. He stood there and listened till the end, even closing his yes to enjoy it even further. 

Then the stupid door had to close too loud and her singing was cut off. Later that night, he had looked up the song, but he preferred Y/n's version. Would he ever admit that? No. 

"I found another case," she told them, eyes still trained out the window.   
"Cool," Dean dismissed, "hey Sam, what was the name of that barmaid?"   
"Which one? And since when do you call them barmaids?"   
"Bitch. The blonde with the rack," Dean continued. 

Y/n shifted almost imperceptibly. If you couldn't tell by now, Y/n was in love with Dean. Hearing him talk about women hurt her, but she was no stranger to hiding her feelings. She had also come to realise Dean's type, and at this point it seemed to be anyone but her. It was always blondes and redheads. Busty girls with thin waists, and while Y/n was completely lacking in the breast department, it never seemed to be anywhere close to what these girls had. Maybe it was their personalities. Yeah, it was probably that. 

The brothers continued their conversation, Y/n tuned out once more, until the flashing lights of the bar sign came into view. They all walked in, women's heads instantly turning, and headed to an inconspicuous booth. 

Y/n sat between them, feeling timid all of a sudden. This was exactly what she had wanted, but now she was here, she felt a bit apprehensive. Well, the best way to deal with that was to jump straight in.

"I'm gonna grab a drink, wan anything?" Y/n asked, motioning for Sam to move. She slid out of the booth, their requests of beers fresh in her mind. 

Y/n sat down at the bar and motioned for the bartender, smiling to herself when it worked. She had only ever seen it in movies, and having never been to a bar before, she felt like even this small victory was worth a lot. 

"What can I get for you?"

A different bartender than the one she had motioned to came up to her. This one was handsome, really handsome. Like, he could be a model handsome. 

Y/n smiled shyly at him and pushed some hair back from her face. The bartender's smile widened. 

"Can I have two beers and some water, please?" She asked, voice more confident than usual.   
" 'course you can, love," he told her, accent lilting beautifully over his words. A blush coloured her cheeks and it only made the bartender smile more. 

He really was handsome. Tall and lean with the definitions of muscles and a toned body clear under the plain black shirt he wore. He had light brown hair that was slicked back and beautifully defined cheekbones under pale skin. He was probably the first man to take her gaze from Dean, and for that she was eternally grateful. 

He came back and dropped the drinks in front of her with a smile. She thanked him and grabbed them, moving back to the booth where she once more faced disappointment. 

Dean had his arm curled around some girl's shoulder, a blonde, and seemed to be completely engrossed in her. Sam had been invading some brunette's space, and she sure seemed to be enjoying it. Y/n dropped the drinks with a _thunk_ and both boys turned to look at her, Sam smiling in thanks and Dean drinking from his. 

"Why are you still here?" The blonde asked, taking Y/n aback. The girl couldn't even answer before the blonde started up again. "Really? They hire people with _your_ sense of style?"

Y/n's cheeks stung with an embarrassed flush when Deal let out a snort. Her eyes watered and her lip trembled making her bite it. She nodded and grabbed her water, turning and heading back to her previous seat at the bar. 

Dean was such a dick. She thought that they were at least friends and he would stand up for her, but clearly not. A tear slipped free as she sat down, quickly wiping it away as she pulled her jacket tighter around her. 

"You know, I happen to like that jacket," came a voice from ahead of her. 

She looked up with slightly red eyes as the bartender from earlier smiled at her. His eyes danced with humour making her own lips turn up at the corners. 

"So you head all that?" She frowned at her hands on the bar.   
"I think everyone in town heard it. She has quite the shrill voice doesn't she?" 

A giggle fell from Y/n's lips though she quickly muffled it. However, it managed to catch a certain patron's attention. The bartender smiled at her as Dean watched.

"You're not from around here," Y/n stated, making him chuckle lowly.   
"Neither are you," he replied, her cheeks flushing red.   
"Yeah, but you're from farther away," she smiled at him, tilting her head as he looked down and chuckled once more.   
"Alright, alright, love, you win," she giggled again and Dean's gaze on them sharpened.

The blonde on his arm continued to breathe in his ear but he only had eyes for the girl at the bar. 

"So, what do you do?" The bartender asked, beginning to wipe down glasses.   
"I'm... I'm their PA," she said, pointing back to the booth.   
"Ah, what's that like?" He asked, leaning on the bar right in front of her, resting his head in his hands and smiling innocently at her. Y/n laughed again and began to explain her duties, some fake, most real.   
"Wow, so you work hard," he acknowledged. She let out a sigh.   
"I try, but they find new ways to hinder me," she looked up at him with slightly pained eyes.   
"Hey it's ok, a beautiful girl like you shouldn't feel sad, pretty girl," he told her gently, holding her hand and stroking the back with one finger.

He smiled softly at her and she couldn't help but smile back at him. 

Dean was fuming. his haw was clenched so hard his teeth ground together, his hand was fisted as it rested on the blonde's shoulder. His eyes were glaring holes into them till finally he' had enough. 

"They've been talking for a while," Dean directed at Sam, clenching his jaw when she let out another laugh. Why was she still holding hi hand?!   
"What?" Sam asked, pulling his lips away from the brunette's neck.   
"Y/n. She's been talking to that bartender for a while. As long as we've been here." Dean explained, still not tearing his eyes away from the couple.   
"So?' Sam asked, going back to the girl's neck. 

Dean didn't have a valid reason. In a huff of anger and jealousy, he turned to the blonde and asked her if she wanted to go back to his place. He received an enthusiastic nod. Sam had also chosen that moment to walk out and drive back to the bunker with the woman he had picked up. Y/n turned back just in time to watch both men walk out the door without so much as a hallelujah. 

"Fuck,' she uttered, turning back to the bartended and dropping her head onto the bar   
"Not that it's not clean, but I wouldn't do that," he told her, watching her head shoot up instantly. "Now, what's going on?"   
"My ride kinda ditched me," Y/n sighed, "well I gotta book an Uber so," she trailed off, pulling her phone out and opening the app before a hand covered the screen.   
"I could drive you, my shirt is about to end." He smiled at her which made her returned it.   
"Yay, thanks, well that solves one problem. Do you know what songs drown out sex noises?" He laughed and threw the towel over his shoulder.   
"I'd go classic rock, but I have a counter offer. How about you come back to my apartment, and we make some, uh, noises of our own?" 

He smirked at her, widening even more when her cheeks flushed and she nodded. 

"Wait, what's your name?" She asked quickly, eyebrows furrowed slightly.   
"Hero," he told her with a smile. 


	2. She Bursts

Y/n spent the night in the throes of pleasure. It was weird. She never slept around, she left that to Dean and Sam, but there was something about Hero. He was alluring and nicer to her than the people she lived with. 

The next morning, when he woke her up with some breakfast, she apologised for keeping him. He told her that was nonsense and they enjoyed a relaxed morning together. When it finally really was time for her to go, he drove her to the bunker, a relaxing drive with soft music in the background and delightful conversation that made her laugh. 

****

When Dean woke up that morning, Cindy? No, Stacey, Courtney? Doesn't matter, blondey was already gone, but something was different. Something was off. Why was the bunker so quiet? No faint sounds of pans clattering, no smell of something frying or the aroma of coffee, what was going on? 

Dean walked out of his room, realising that it was Sam's sleep-in day, which meant Sam wasn't gonna be up for a while. Dean walked into the kitchen and frowned. Y/n wasn't there. She wasn't making breakfast, and the coffee pot wasn't on. Did she not come home the night before?

Dean put the coffee pot on and sat down at the kitchen table. Sam was up soon enough (and it was earlier than usual on a sleep-in day) and frowned as he walked into the kitchen and saw Dean at the table with some coffee. 

"Where's Y/n?" Sam asked groggily, pushing his hair from his eyes.   
"Not here," Dean replied simply, sipping from his coffee again.   
"What?" Sam sat down with his own cup, feeling himself wake up slowly as he sipped at his mug.   
"Not. Here." Dean told him angrily, eyes trained on the bland wall. "Probably went home with that bartender."   
"Whoah," Sam let out, eyes widening at the table, completely disregarding his brother's tone. 

They heard the garage door creak open. A giggle. 

"Bye Hero! Thanks, really," she shouted, before the garage door was closing again.

They heard her humming loudly, a song Dean would probably have made some comment about any other time. 

The kitchen door opened and she walked in, eyes widening as she saw them sat at the table, staring at her. 

"Oh, hi," she said breathily, smiling widely at them as she walked around the table to get some coffee.   
"Where were you?" Dean asked firmly, glaring at her. 

She was taken aback and pressed herself back against the counter. The smallest bit of remorse flashed in his eyes.

"I... was out," she answered vaguely, gulping from her mug.   
"What's that supposed to mean?" Dean replied angrily. 

Her brows furrowed and she hid behind her mug a little more. She dropped her bag on the table and her book slipped out. A romance novel. 

"Of course, you decide what to do based on that shit." 

Now she was done. She was done with their shit. She was done with Dean. She was done. 

In a fit of anger, Y/n picked up her mug and threw it at the wall, both Sam and Dean ducking and shouting "what the hell?!" 

When the brothers looked back to her with wide eyes, they saw tears swimming in her own. 

"You go sleeping with any whore on the street almost every night. You have no right! No. Right. To judge me.   
All you do is insult me, CONSTANTLY! You insult my books, my music, and I never say anything back to you. Never!  
And you are such a shitty friend Dean Winchester. You don't remember anything about, however many times you've been told. You fucking left me at the bar last night. No goodbye, no 'we're leaving', nothing." Her throat hurt but she wasn't done, she had more to get off her chest. "I do so much around here for both of you. Do you ever think about that? Who cleans your rooms? Does the laundry? Dusts the books in the library or cooks you three fresh hot meals a day? Cleans the bathrooms, does almost all the supply runs?" 

The boys were stunned into silence. 

"I do everything AND research without expecting a 'thank you,' and I never get one anyway." She paused for a second and looked ay the book on the counter, picking it up and pointing. "I read these," her tone much calmer and quieter now, "because these are the only semblance of love I have in my life. Why is it so wrong for me to want to be loved?" 

She clenched her eyes closed and shook her head, more tears spilling over. She threw the book at Dean, hitting him in the chest before grabbing her bag. 

"There, but it or whatever you fucking asshole," then she ran out of the room, slamming and locking the door to her room. 

Both boys sat there, eyes trained on the table and mulled over her words. Did they never really say thank you? She really did do so much around here, and more. Dean remembered about a year ago, she had bought him this limited edition Metallica album for his birthday because she remembered him mentioning it once. Wow. He was a dick. Why did Sam have to be right? 

****

Y/n watched the screen on her laptop as Jake and Charles did something or other. Tears had been steadily streaming from her eyes for the past hour as she lay cuddled in her bed, pj's on and heart hurting. 

She hated loving Dean. It was so hard. There were moments when he was amazing. They got on well, had a few laughs, and she didn't feel nervous around him. Then he'd go and pull shit like that and suddenly she was heartbroken all over again. It was too much. It took too much out of her. She was done loving Dean Winchester. 

Sam had come by her room. He had tried to talk to her through the door, but she wouldn't bite. When he tried to open the door to find it locked, he let out a sigh of finality. 

"I'm sorry," he said one final time before leaving her be. 

Dean walked past her door at least ten times. He wanted to apologise. He wanted to confess so many things, but he couldn't. He didn't know how, he didn't know where to start, what to confess, what to keep hidden away. This meant he eventually gave up and holed himself in his room. 


	3. She's Leaving

The next morning, Y/n woke up before the brothers. Like usual. She contemplated leaving her room, wondering what she would do for breakfast. 

Secretly, and with silent motions, she left her room and slinked into the kitchen. There, she made breakfast for three, like usual, and grabbed her plate and a mug of coffee before sneaking back to her room. 

When the boys woke up and saw the breakfast, they felt even worse. She still made them breakfast. Dean wanted to slam himself into a wall. He knew he wasn't a good person, but he thought he was at least better than this. Especially to the girl he- no. There was nothing there. Absolutely nothing. At least they had a hunt to go on. That would take his mind off it, give him more time to think over what he was going to say to her. 

****

Y/n heard the Impala roar away. She remembered they had a hunt, another one they wouldn't let her go on. This only served to infuriate her more. Then, in her anger driven mind, she registered a ping from her laptop. A news story. A news story from the case she had been looking at. The case she had tried to tell Dean about when he completely dismissed her. This was her chance. This was her chance to go on a case, hunt for once. Just once. Her first and last case. 

The boys would be back soon enough, the case they were on was nearby and easy. Y/n grabbed her bag and packed everything she would need. It was an easy case, a salt 'n' burn that would be over quick because she already knew everything she needed to know. 

She rushed to the garage and opened the door to her car, the one thing Dean respected about her. A red jeep that was her high school graduation gift, and she loved it with all her heart. 

As she drove out of the bunker, heart racing, she knew her life was gonna change. 

****

A loud groan left her as her rib twinged. Of course that's what had to break, the thing she needed to breathe. A sigh left her as she lay back, then her phone began to ring. 

"Hello?"   
"What the hell are you doing going on a hunt without us?" Dean accused, her head falling back against her pillow with a sigh.   
"Getting rid of a spirit," she answered, grimacing when her rib twinged again.   
"Why did you tell us about the case?" He retorted angrily, she could almost hear his jaw clenching.   
"I tried," she said softly, "you wouldn't listen and kept interrupting me," she finished, groaning when she shifted and her abdomen throbbed.   
"Oh," was all Dean replied.   
"Yeah," she retorted a final time, before hanging up the phone. 

Y/n opened her laptop and continued her earlier search. 

****

Dean was at the table when his phone began to ring. It wasn't a song Sam expected him to have, which made him shoot his brother a quizzical look as Dean rushed to answer it. 

"Hello?"   
"Hey, is Sam with you?" Came her soft voice, a voice he had begun to miss severely.   
"Yeah, you're on speaker," he told her, dropping his phone onto the table with a thunk. They heard a groan and frowned.   
"You ok?" Sam asked.   
"Yeah, just broke a rib - fuck - it's nothing," she panted out, the sounds of sheets shifting coming through the phone.   
"Um, ok," was all Sam could reply while Dean frowned even more at the phone.   
"Ok, um, wow this is harder than I thought," she mumbled, before clearing her throat and dropping the news. "I'm leaving the bunker." 

Pin-drop silence. Both boys processed her words before exploding. 

"What the fu-"  
"What's going o-"  
"Are you crazy?"   
"What the fuck." 

She waited a moment before continuing. 

"I'm done with the bunker. I'm done with hunting and all that it entails. I'll email Sam the address of where to send my things... goodbye." She hung up, unable to hold the conversation any longer. 

Dean stared at his phone as his heart broke even further, as he became a broken soul. She was gone. She had slipped through his fingers and he couldn't do anything about it. He had always thought she would be there, be at the bunker whenever, but now he realised how much he had taken that for granted. 

Sam watched as Dean grabbed his phone and got up, walking down the hall towards his room. 

****

It was a few hours later when Sam decided to go look for Dean. He opened the door to his room, ready to ask what he wanted to do for dinner, but one glance into the room showed that Dean wasn't there. Then he heard it, the faintest sound of music coming from Y/n's room. It sounded like one of her Sam Smith records, one that Dean used to insult. Sam walked over and gently opened the door. 

Dean was laying on her bed under her duvet that was printed with lemons. The Sam Smith record was playing from the corner, 'One Last Song' echoing in the room. He was holding one of her books, 'Me Before You,' one of her favourites, Sam remembered. She had read it three times since he'd known her, and cried at the movie at least ten. 

What the fuck was wrong with Dean? He was acting like a mopey teen who just went through a breakup. His lips moved slightly as he read, engrossed in the book. 

"Um," Sam started unsurely, "hey." Dean didn't move didn't even flick his eyes away from the page.   
"What?"   
"What- uh- what do you wanna do for dinner?" Sam asked, frowning as he tried to figure out his brother, which, at this point, seemed impossible.   
"I don't care," now that was just plain weird. Dean always cared about his food. Always. Sam stared at him a little while longer, before leaving, shaking his head in be-wonderment at his confusing brother. 

****

It had been almost two months since she left. Dean had taken to falling asleep in her room, reading her books and listening to her music. it almost felt like a form of repentance. 

Sam spent that time worrying about Dean. He had started throwing himself into cases even harder and more reckless. Sam worried he would burn out and get hurt. 

Dean called her every night at twelve on the dot. She never answered, he didn't expect her to. At least he tried. All it did was make him feel worse. 

Y/n had started a new life. She was.... she was happy. She lived in a beautiful house, a legally rented one, that was everything she had ever wanted. She was going to college and worked part-time at the local tennis courts. It was nice, and she liked this life. It was nice. 

****

Y/n's doorbell rung and she got off the couch, pausing her movie and heading to the door. It was her day off and a Disney movie marathon seemed appropriate. 

When her door opened, a six foot, four inch tall man stood there, smiling at her. 

"Hey," he told her happily, her eyes wide in surprise.   
"Um, hey," she mumbled back, tearing her eyes away from Sam's face. Wherever Sam was, Dean wasn't far behind.   
"He isn't here," Sam told her gently, a small 'oh' falling from her lips as she nodded and smiled, inviting him in. 

Sam and her sat on the couch, smiling at each other. 

"You got purple hair," he laughed, a smile on y/n's face as she touched her highlights.   
"Heh, yeah, I always wanted to try."

They fell into silence and the mood suddenly shifted, Sam's smile dropping. 

"I know." He stated, making her hope to god it wasn't what she thought.   
"Know what?"   
"How you feel about him," Sam expanded, her heart stopping as her palms began to perspire. "I also know how he feels about you, however stubborn he is," Sam continued, making her heart clench.   
"No, he doesn't feel the same and I've accepted it," Y/n argued, clenching her jaw.   
"He does, and that's why you need to come back. He's running himself into the ground without and having you there might make him admit his feelings." She was already shaking he head before the end of the sentence.   
"No, the only reason I'd come back to the bunker is to get my things, otherwise I'm never going back. I love my life here Sam. I have a good job, and I go to school, and I have friends. And-" the doorbell interrupted her. 

This time, when she opened the door, it was someone she wanted to see. 

"Nick," she breathed out happily.   
"Hi," he smiled at her and she beckoned him inside.   
"Hey sweetheart," they walked to the living room where Sam was, who was watching them with wide, disbelieving eyes.   
"Um, Sam, this is my boyfriend, Nick," Y/n smiled, trying not to let her nervousness show. 

Sam stood up and shook Nick's hand with wide eyes. 

"I should get going," he told the couple, moving toward the door as he said goodbye to Nick. Y/n followed him to the door, and leaned against the frame.   
"I'm happy Sam," she said finally, looking up to Sam. "I go to college, I have a job, a boyfriend, purple hair," she said the last with a small smile then sighed. "I'm better now, and I'm sure Dean's ok," she finished, looking to Sam as he huffed out a breath and nodded.   
"Well, I tried, it was nice seeing you, goodbye," she whispered a goodbye in return before closing the door on Sam. 

Dean didn't need her. He lived fine before her, with her, and now after her. He didn't love her, and that was ok. It was something she had learned to live with. 


	4. The End

Sam clenched his fists as he stared at Dean. Dean, his strong older brother. Dean, the man laying in that hospital bed in front of him. Dean, the one who was connected to those machines that were steadily beeping away as he slept away the pain. The brother who was hopped up on painkillers because Sam had been right once more. He had burnt out on the hunt and gotten hurt bad. Sam sighed and rubbed his forehead. At least they knew he would ok. That was the only consolation. 

Sam pulled out his phone and pressed the contact. She had to know. Maybe this was the push both of them needed. 

"Hello?"   
"Dean's hurt. He's in the hospital, in and out of consciousness," Sam barreled out, not wasting time with pleasantries. 

He heard a sharp intake of breath before rustling and the sounds of her running. 

"Where?" Came through the phone accompanied by her car keys clinking. He told her before the phone beeped with a dropped call. 

*****

Y/n probably looked like a mess when she arrived at the hospital. She rushed to the nurse's station, demanding Jeff Applebaum's whereabouts. (The insurance they had used). She was directed to room 04-02 by a fearful nurse who received a rushed thank you as the crazed girl ran for the elevator. 

When she reached the door, she paused. It was open. Leaning forward an inch meant she'd be in the door and staring at Dean. She stepped in. 

There he lay, sheet pulled up to his chest, eyes closed and lips parted slightly so he could breathe. He looked paler than usual, and his stubble had begun to grow in. She didn't mind the stubble, but his cheeks looked sunken, he looked thinner. He looked... weak. If there was something she knew in the world, it was that Dean Winchester was not weak. 

"Am I hallucinating?" Dean's gruff voice echoed in the room.

Her head turned back to look at his face and he was blinking gently at her. She smiled, with teary red eyes, and shook her head at him. "You didn't have purple hair, you're not real," he sighed and closed his eyes, eyelids scrunching up in pain as he shifted. 

"I'm really here," she told him, voice clogged with tears as she sat down on the chair pulled up close to his bedside. No doubt Sam had been occupying it earlier.   
"No, you were mad at me, you wouldn't want to see me," he told her, sounding like a hurt vulnerable child. 

Y/n reached over and held onto his hand, gently at first, before firming up her grip as he laced their fingers together. The callouses on his fingers rubbed against the soft skin on hers, and she stared at their hands resting on his stomach. 

"I'm really here, and however much I tell myself I don't, I will always want to see you," she admitted, moving her gaze up to his face. 

She was shocked to find tears filling his eyes and overflowing onto his cheeks. She looked at him, concerned, as his lips parted and he inhaled a shaky breath, lips trembling in it's wake. 

"I'm..." he had to stop to take another slow breath, eyes clenched shut. "I can't live without you," he finally breathed out. He clenched her hand tighter, holding her there. She stared at Dean's face, eyes wide as her hand went limp in his grip. What was he saying? "I'm sorry for being such a dick to you, and I'm sorry for not being true to myself and you." 

Dean wanted to sit up but she held him down, telling him not to exert himself. She stood over him and wiped his tears away, her own dripping onto his blanket. 

"What are you trying to say Dean?" She whimpered out after having sat down looking up at his face once more.   
"I love you," he broke out, eyes clenching shut as he swallowed a breath of fresh air, or whatever you call hospital air. "I wanna give you the kind of love you want, the kind you deserve," he told her, clenching his free fist in the sheets. " 'You only get one life. It's actually your duty to live it as fully as possible,' " He quoted. 

Her eyes widened and she held his hand tighter, a new sparkle shining them. 

"I wanna be the guy that gives you the bumble tights, and hangs onto a ferris wheel for a date," her breath got lighter and she stared at him in a new light.

He had read her books, he was actually quoting her books now. It was... well, it was magical. 

Y/n leaned closer to Dean and cupped one of his cheeks, the stubble biting into her palm. 

"You read Me Before You and The Notebook?" Her tone was disbelieving. Dean nodded, opening his red eyes and looking at her with so much pain that it broke her heart. "Dean?"   
"Yes?"   
"I love you," she breathed out, pressing her lips to his. 

It was a soft, sweet, kiss that made their toes curl and had their cheeks flushing. When Y/n pulled away, eyes sparkling as she smiled shyly at him. Dean smiled and lay back again, swallowing and turning his head to stare at her with a smile. 

"What?' She asked, pushing hair behind her ear as she smiled giddily at the floor.   
"Nothin', you're just really pretty," Y/n blushed and dropped her head slightly. Since when was Dean so sappy? She kinda liked it. 

Sam walked in and smiled. 

"Hey, you got here, and you're awake," he added as he saw Dean. 

Y/n smiled at Sam then looked back to Dean. He was still smiling at her, holding her hand and rubbing his thumbs over her knuckles. 

"Uh, did I miss something?" Sam asked, staring at their intertwined hands.   
"Yes," Y/n answered, giggling as she leaned over and kissed Dean softly. 

He could only smile, because he had her back. 


End file.
